T.O. REPORT: Terrell Owens’ Top 10 Preseason Complaints
CINCINNATI – During a training camp press conference this week, Terrell Owens expressed disappointment with several aspects of his preseason experience to date. Here are his top 10 disappointments and 2 bonus complaints shared privately with DERF Magazine.
1. Still waiting for invitation to lead Oktoberfest Chicken Dance
2. Ocho Cinco not tweeting about him enough
3. Still can’t get VIP entry at Blackfinn unless accompanied by Rey Maualuga
4. Three month wait for guest appearance on ‘Fox19 in the Morning’
5. Pacman Jones already dating Newport’s only stripper under 40
6. Never met legendary Cincinnati Meteorologist Derek Beasley
7. Fans keep asking if he can help get Ocho Cinco’s autograph
8. Not yet invited to a Bronson Arroyo concert
9. Never got to see Touchdown Jesus
10. Assigned Shayne Graham’s old locker and can’t remove the smell of failure
DERF BONUS ITEMS
11. ‘Grillin' With Tim’ declined offer to co-host during home game weeks.
12. Only local endorsement involves singing backup for Carson Palmer in hot dog jingle
- BODIES Exhibit cadaver discovered to be Marty Brennaman
- Marvin Lewis prepared with new exasperated facial expressions for new season
- Bengals defense threatens to retire unless Carson Palmer is traded
- Cancer patients tired of Carson Palmer hanging around hospital
- Bronson Arroyo worries focus on pitching may hold back music career
- Terrell Owens' publicist hires own publicist.