our breathtaking newsletter

Weekly gloriousness sent to your inbox.

Drop your email address here»

Featured Local Event         full calendar»

Friday, August 1st - 11:30 AM-11:00 PM

$6.50 fish and fries @ Mt. Lookout Tavern (MLT's)

DERF Happy Hour

Friday, Aug 1 - 5:30PM-9:00PM

The Oak Tavern, $10 for 10 Beers -OR- 7 Cocktails!
sports News
  • Comments
  • sports home
  • Related Stories
  • Email To Friend

Cancer patients tired of Carson Palmer hanging around hospital

CINCINNATI, OH - Following the recent controversy surrounding Green Bay Packer quarterback Aaron Rodgers allegedly turning down a cancer patient’s request for an autograph, Bengal quarterback Carson Palmer has worn out his welcome among area cancer patients with uncomfortably long visits and continual offers to sign things for them.


Palmer has reportedly been loitering around cancer wards at area hospitals, asking patients to allow him to autograph things. “At first it seemed like a nice gesture,” said Christ Hospital oncology nurse Sandra McNeil. “But now it is becoming aggressive. He follows patients all the way down the hall practically yelling at them to let him sign their hospital gowns.”


“Maybe he should try handing out autographs in Pittsburgh or something,” said University Hospital Dr. Kevin Koenenger. “All he’s doing here in Cincinnati is annoying everyone.” University Hospital lawyers are working on a restraining order to keep Palmer five hundred feet away from hospital property at all times. “That includes the parking lot,” said lawyer Gene White. “Security caught him out there last week following patients to their cars.”


“I guess I have a soft spot for people in his situation,” said St. Elizabeth cancer patient Damien Jeffreys. “The poor guy really believes people might feel better if they have his autograph.  I felt sorry for him so I let him sign my bed pan.  But then he wanted to give me a signed Fathead Poster of himself.  He wouldn’t let up.  It’s really sad.”