Jordan Palmer threatens to retire if Carson is not traded
CINCINNATI, OH - In a show of solidarity, backup quarterback Jordan Palmer has announced that he will retire from professional football if the Bengals do not trade his brother Carson. The threat sent shock waves through the Cincinnati sports world and the Bengals front office.
“Let it be known that I am drawing a line in the sand,” said Jordan Palmer. “Trade my brother, or I am going to shut down my illustrious NFL career and focus 100% of my efforts on my phenomenal internet sensation RunPee.com.” Jordan then said that any and all questions should be directed to his agent, as soon as he hires one.
The Bengals have announced that they do not plan on honoring Carson Palmer’s demand to be traded. It is not known how they will respond now that the future of their franchise back-up quarterback is part of the equation. Bengal fans were also shocked by the news. “I know this organization has its problems,” said fan Tony Parsons. “But I thought we could count on the consistency of seeing Jordan Palmer holding a clip board on the sidelines every Sunday for years to come. I’m not sure I will renew my season tickets if Jordan retires.”
When asked if he would like to be traded to the same team as his brother, Jordan responded that is not his intention at all. “Nope, I just want to support Carson in his quest to leave. I will do whatever the team wants me to do. I promise to throw interceptions for touchdowns just as good as he did, and I can pretend to eat a John Morrell hot dog just as well too.”
Jordan said he consulted with Cooper Manning before deciding to take a stand in support of his brother. "Cooper told me he would withdraw from next year's NFL draft if it would help either of his brothers, Eli or Peyton, in their contract discussions."
- Tony Romo trades self for Carson Palmer in fantasy football
- Bengals enjoy relaxing on-the-field bye week in New Jersey
- T.O. REPORT: Terrell Owens’ Top 10 Preseason Complaints
- Bengals offensive plays called by same antique computer that creates WEBN playlist
- Carson Palmer inducted into Steelers Hall of Fame
- Cancer patients tired of Carson Palmer hanging around hospital
- Carson Palmer collecting boxes behind grocery stores
- Discarded Terrible Towels help absorb Ohio River pollutants
- The Evolution of a Cheater
- Fall tourists travel to see Pete Rose hair change color
- Ray Lewis spends time before Super Bowl shopping for getaway car
- Cleveland plans parade for victorious Dallas Mavericks
- Roger Clemens claims he sold steroids to members of Congress
- New Canseco book implicates baseball mascots in steroid scandal