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Brent Musburger newest Bengals season ticket holder

CINCINNATI, OH - The Bengals have received accolades from many experts concerning their selections in the 2014 NFL draft. One of the impacts from this years draft class has already been felt, as Brent Musburger has become the newest Bengals season ticket holder.


“These Bengals are certainly a team on the rise,” explained Musburger while lounging on a velvet couch, wearing an open robe. “And I want to be there to experience that rise. This draft was a home run for them. They had that good first round pick, and that solid second round pick, they got that one guy in the third round, I’m pretty sure they made a smart pick at round four. Then, in the fifth round, they undoubtedly got the best bargain in the history of the NFL when they drafted the boyfriend of a really, really hot girl. I mean, she’s like stunning. So freaking hot. That AJ McWhatshisface is a really lucky man.”


Musburger did some research before ordering his season tickets. “At first I thought it was a crank phone call,” said Bengals season ticket director Marian Rogers. “All I heard was heavy breathing and some water splashing, like someone was calling from the bathtub. Then he started asking very specific questions about where he could buy his seats. He said he wanted to be in the section where the family and friends of rookie quarterbacks are seated. He also asked what our policy was about allowing lotion to be brought into the stadium.”


Brent had already professed his admiration for the physical charms of AJ McCarron’s girlfriend on national television, but the extent of his admiration is just now being discovered. “I’m considering moving to Cincinnati,” he explained. “Not only am I going to support the Bengals by being a season ticket holder, but I think I can help them in other ways as well. Perhaps I can cook, clean, and wash the delicates of a certain rookie quarterback’s girlfriend. Since we’re going to be sitting so close in the stands, I’m sure we’ll become tight anyway. I just hope my seats don’t include a view of those painted-up, tramp cheerleaders. Talk about a buzzkill.”