our breathtaking newsletter

Weekly gloriousness sent to your inbox.

Drop your email address here»

Featured Local Event         full calendar»

Sunday, March 1st - 12:00 PM-4:00 PM

Ohio Winter Food Festival @ Sharonville Convention Center

DERF Happy Hour

Keep checking back here to find out where the next DERF Happy Hour will be!

sports News
  • Comments
  • sports home
  • Related Stories
  • Email To Friend

Gary Kubiak willing to do anything to become national spokesperson for the Transient Ischemic Attack Association

HOUSTON, TX - Since his recent hospitalization Houston Texans Coach Gary Kubiak has thought about little other than landing the prestigious position of national spokesperson for the Transient Ischemic Attack Association.

“Being the spokesperson for the TIAA is a big deal,” said Kubiak’s agent Kevin Donald. “Being a higher-up at charities like this is one of the best ways to network your way through the business environment of the new millennium. That’s a good thing, because Gary isn’t really turning any heads in the football department lately. To be fair, coaches usually aren’t at their best when they’re writhing on the floor clutching their chest.”

The Transient Ischemic Attack Association is headquartered in Falls Creek, Virginia. The offices were buzzing recently with news that they may soon have a new spokesperson.  Our current spokesperson is also our landlord and maintentnce person.  “This could be an amazing time for us,” said vice president of marketing Coleen McMillan who is married to the landlord. “It’s been a while since we had a celebrity stop by.  A few years back we had a visit from the singer Josh Groban. We thought he was here to support the cause, but it turned out his car had just run out of gas near our offices. Pretty exciting. He never did pay us back for that gas though.”

An anonymous insider said Kubiak likely staged the on-field attack with the intent of increasing his profile with the TIAA to better his chances of secuiring the spokesperson position. 
Kubiak says the attack was unitentional but hopes that he is able to secure the position soon. “They’re calling for my head in Houston,” said the Texans coach. “In fact, my translucent icelandic, I mean transient ischemic attack may well have come from a group of powerful fans who hired a witch doctor. If I don’t get the prestigious gig at TIAA, hopefully I can get a job where I am a spokesperson against witchdoctors.”