Reds run toward mediocrity behind schedule
CINCINNATI, OH - The Cincinnati Reds have surprised fans with a delayed run toward mediocrity.
“It’s disappointing to see a Reds team start out so far behind a mediocre record,” said baseball analyst Peter Robinson. “Usually, their race to mediocrity tends to start very early in the season. Hopefully some medicrity will start happening while the spring is still beginning to bloom.”
Reds players attribute the slow pace toward mediocrity to a sense of destiny. “Everyone has worked moderately hard in the off-season,” explained the Reds mediocre manager Bryan Price. “Guys out there giving approximately fifty percent in the weight room. Showing up somewhere between thirty seconds early to three minutes late for practices. I’m somewhat averagely pleased with how things have come together.”
The team itself is not alone in their spirited quest for mediocrity. The City of Cincinnati has shown support by continuing its own mediocre existence. the fans of Cincinnati continue their middling support of their team, and the Cincinnati media continues their proud tradition of mediocre coverage of all the mediocrity.
- Bengals laugh at Aroldis Chapman's pathetic attempt at lawlessness
- Embarrassing typo spoils Olympic Heroes celebration
- Jim Bowden overheard comparing other mundane annoyances to tragic world events
- Ben Roethlisberger and brother compete in Sexual Assault Bowl
- Maria Sharapova blamed for Cincinnati heat wave
- Neil Armstrongís championship biking shorts flown at half staff