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Tom Brady blames global warming for deflated footballs

NEW YORK, NY - In a last ditch effort to deflect blame away from the Patriots organization, Tom Brady has advanced the theory that global warming is responsible for the deflated footballs used in their game against the Indianapolis Colts.


“I think it’s time to look at the big picture,” said Brady. “And there is no bigger picture than this beautiful big, blue marble we live on called Earth. It’s precious, much like my smile and chin dimple. And it is also in crisis. Much like my credibility. We need to get to the bottom of this global warming thing and fix it as soon as possible. Especially now that it has tragically impacted the NFL by deflating those footballs, which, obviously I had nothing to do with. In fact, I put out very little CO2.”


Former Vice President Al Gore has issued a statement supporting Brady’s theory. “We have thousands of peer-reviewed scientific studies which confirm the adverse impact of man made climate change,” stated Gore. “Now, even more definitive proof has emerged as quarterback Tom Brady has joined in the fight. As a Superbowl champion, his credibility is unmatched. Also, he is married to a Brazilian, so I’m sure he can speak to the environmental impact upon the rainforest once we get to the bottom of this whole squishy football matter.”


“I know that showing evidence of global warming is going to hurt my popularity in some circles,” Brady went on to explain. “However, those Fox News hillbillies bought their Tom Brady Patriots jerseys at Steve and Barry’s five or six years ago and had no plans to upgrade anyway. I am seeking truth and a higher calling. In fact, taking on this cause has made me think I may run for office. I should probably do it before Peyton Manning, who will probably run for President just so he can be in more television commercials.”