NEW BRUNSWICK, NEW JERSEY - Unable to keep up with consumer demand during cold and flu season, Johnson & Johnson, the makers of Sudafed cold medication have begun systematically producing crystal meth to help bolster the production of cold medicine. The company plans to continue the practice for the foreseeable future.

Representatives from Johnson & Johnson routinely scour trailer parks around the country to find and hire skilled meth lab technicians. The crystal meth is then produced in a large-scale company-owned meth lab in nearby Piscataway, New Jersey, and then shipped to the J&J Sudafed factory where the key component, ephedrine, is extracted for use in the production of Sudafed.

“Crystal meth has become the number one source of ephedrine in the United States,” explained Johnson & Johnson Senior Executive Walter Hayes. “We began using crystal meth in our process mostly as an occasional boost in our process. But we quickly discovered, once you start using meth in the manufacturing process, there’s no turning back.”

Initially, the company purchased the crystal meth on the street instead of manufacturing it, but frequent purchases were flagged by crystal meth dealers. “Due the large volumes, dealers became suspicious,” said Hayes. “They refused to serve us unless we had two forms of ID and a note from the trailer park manager. We knew the gig was up, so we started manufacturing the meth in-house.”