DETROIT, MI - This year's day-long Detroit SantaCon festivities presented significant obstacles for many Detroit looters who traditionally enjoy unimpeded looting access during the holidays. Many looters have complained about the difficult and unsafe work conditions created by SantaCon.
"SantaCon destroyed the holiday spirit of our people," complained Looting Grand Marshal and Madison Heights resident, Trent Boucher. "The entire day was plagued with endless hardship as we tried to reach our looting goals despite constant interruption from drunken minglers and disruptive sing-a-longs."
Detroit Looters Forced to Work Overtime
Reportedly, many looters were forced to loot overtime to catch up. "SantaCon really hampered my work flow,” said long-time looter and Ferndale resident Martin Kwah. "I came back the next day but most of the good stuff was gone. So I had to waste time stealing Amazon packages until store looting inventories were finally replenished."
For the first time since 1969, Detroit looters received less compensation for a night of looting than a typical holiday overtime shift at the Highland Park Ford Plant on Woodward Avenue (4.1 stars on Yelp). Lawyers representing many Detroit looters blame SantaCon coordinators for creating this threat to the livelihood of the city's looters.
Santacon Leadership Apologizes for Looting Distruption
SantaCon Coordinator and Grosse Pointe Resident, Ryan Girard, said during a press conference at the private Detroit Athletic Club, “We are disappointed to learn that SantaCon nation may have interfered with Detroit's predominant livelihood. As millennials, we assumed the looters were actors hired for our benefit, probably by someone like notable entrepreneur Dan Gilbert, to create an authentic Detroit experience for us."
Regarding improvement plans for next year, Girard said, “We're on it. The word is out to Santacon nation via our Facebook group. Everyone knows things have to be more chill next year."
Detroit Mayor's Plans for Next Year's Santacon
Detroit Mayor Mike Duggan plans to meet with SantaCon leadership to discuss strategies for allowing all of the city’s key services to operate unhampered including not only looting, but also vacant property squatting, drug manufacturing and sales, government corruption, Amazon package theft, human trafficking, property blight, dumpster fires and many standard gang-related activities.